being a big fat emo.

1) I wish that I liked myself more.
2) I wish my psoraiasis would go away. Disgusting.
3) I wish I was thinner and smaller and prettier in general.
3) I wish Wine could see how wonderful he is.
4) I wish I had more money.
5) I wish I was more charismatic.
6) I wish I was better at making new friends.
7) Sometimes, I wish a good night out didnt involve the things it did.
8) I wish I coud drop one again and be soaring. Not 2 or 3.
9) I wish I had more clothes.
10) I wish my stomach would stop rumbling.
11) I wish I had you back. Self esteem.
12) I wish I could go out sober and not freak out and have a fun time.
13) I wish I could go back and hug you bye. I wish that alot.
14) I wish I liked you.
15) I wish I wasnt so unfocused.
16) I wish I had more drive to suceed and make something of myself.
17) I wish I could write again.
18) I wish I didnt think so much.
19) Sometimes, I wish I was a different person.

Potential, I think we start losing potential the moment we start to judge and depreciate ourselves or when others do this for us. I am not pointing fingers. I wont do anything about this. My mother tries, she tells me I used to be such a vibrant child, a leader. I wanted to do things, I achieved, I wasn't exceedingly clever or an elite sportsman, I was an all rounder. I used to take pride in things I did. I didnt get intimidated easily. I wasnt as scared of failing.
The thing is, I enjoy my life so so much. I have the best friends anyone could as for and my family is supportive to the bone. I enjoy being here.
Its confusing, I cant get the words out right. I dont want to come of sounding sorry for myself. It sounds that way though. I make sure people think I am ok. I look after others. I dont get looked after. I dont want to be looked after. My friends health and happiness is more important than mine, with out them I dont really have anything to give.
There are things I do like about myself and my life. I like that I care. I like that I have so much love for everyone. I have been told I care to much. I care more for others. And I like that I can drive.
Bah, Im just a little on edge at the moment.

its nothing really, this happens all time. usually when I am by myself.
its cyclic.

Really, with highs like mine there have to be some lows in there to level this bitch out.